The Second Time Around

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It was 2001 when we met. I was a 19-year-old train wreck. I came crashing through your sister’s door where you lived. I came with a lot of baggage…like emotionally and literally. Bawling about my ex-boyfriend and how I had no home. You never judged. We occupied the same spaces; your calmness and genuine sweetness were unlike anything I’d ever seen in a man.

I swore to myself we were not a match. You were too calm, patient, and consistent. I had no idea what to do with that. I resisted as much as I could but life always had a way of pulling me back to your kind heart. It was so appealing after what I’d just come from but it never held my attention for long.

Fast forward nineteen years later after the same pattern repeated itself for what feels like a million times and here we are… the first anniversary of our SECOND marriage to each other.

I know you’ve faced ridicule throughout the years. When friends, family, and colleagues teased you about putting up with such a fluctuating relationship, you never let it deter you. It’s always been hard for me to fathom that someone could love somebody so much that they endure all sorts of crap, for lack of better terms.

Last week I began prodding you about your thoughts on our relationship, something I’ve done a lot of throughout the years. I thought it would be a good idea to get an “annual review” from your perspective with our first anniversary approaching (again).  After all, I’ve come to realize more and more as years go by that I have actually hit quite the jackpot when it comes to husbands. Not to mention you’re amazing fathering skills.

But I’ve always been desperate to understand the appeal of our relationship on your end. Instead of beating around the bush you turned to me and said, “sometimes people get to a point to where they realize putting up with the bad parts is better than living without that person.”

For once in my life, I was speechless. You’d never communicated with me like that before. I went to bed that night thinking of all the layers that you never revealed to me in the past and how much I disregarded you for that.

In this past year, we have somehow unlocked this secret layer of understanding and communication that neither one of us seemed capable of in our first marriage to each other.

Maybe this second time around we are being much more intentional. Intentional with our actions and feelings. Knowing just how delicate marriage is, we know what didn’t work. Now we get to use all we learned from our mistakes and apply them to a second chance. And because of that, we have had a better first year of marriage this second time around than we did the first time we got married.

I know…the math is confusing. And not much of our relationship has made sense in the traditional view as far as marriages typically go.
But I am forever grateful that God didn’t give me what I thought I wanted all those years ago. I’m thankful God gave me the man He knew I needed instead.