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ICP, Cradle of Filth, Marilyn Manson, Anton LaVey, (if you don’t know these names, it’s okay, trust me, you don’t need to) drugs, sex, partying, dropping out of high school, and ruining marriages.
That was me. That was my life and all things I was partaking in…. barely 17 and halfway through my junior year.
I made a choice to quit school and run away from my life to live with a married man. Who happened to be a new father and was not a fan of God by any means, actually quite the opposite. And the crazy part was, I didn’t even care! None of that even mattered to me!
I wouldn’t say I was wild or a rebel, that is not what I was trying to be anyway. I wasn’t doing it for attention that is for sure. I was just lost and deeply consumed with love. I wanted my life to be my life and I thought ANYTHING was better than the tension-filled, unwelcoming home life I was living through.
My life was completely out of control in every way. If it was bad, I was doing it. To say I screwed up my life is an understatement. It was never my intention, but it was fun, it came easy and it was a great escape from my home life.
Misguided and lost, yet I thought I was having the time of my life. And who knows maybe it was in a way.
I was certainly gaining a lot of new experiences and meeting all kinds of new people and lifestyles, some I will never forget.
But this kind of lifestyle comes at a cost. It has a way of catching up to you and there is no way to escape the consequences that wait for you. Like a ripple effect, these poor choices have a way of affecting your life for a long time into the future.
The evil was brewing, tensions were building, people I hung around were losing their lives from poor choices, while others ended up in prison.
Anger and selfishness were dominating my life.
After a couple of years, my relationship that I sacrificed my entire future for became like a scene from a horror show and my face and body were taking the brunt of it.
This is a lifestyle that turns ugly real fast, so fast that you don’t know how to get back out.
This is a lifestyle where you can’t trust people for very long. No one genuinely cares about you, but more about what you have to offer and loyalty doesn’t exist.
This is a lifestyle that you look back on and realize you were really blessed to walk out of alive from all the poor choices made back to back.
Hopping around staying on friend’s couches while most of my belongings traveled around in the back of my car wherever I went after my relationship went south. Even then though, it was still an on and off again relationship for a long time. Obviously, I had not one ounce of self-worth.
I wish I could say that was my lowest moment and it all turned around after that but when your life is that messed up it takes a lot of work to regain your perspective and do the right thing.
It was a very slow process, peeling back all the layers until there was nothing left and nowhere else to run to. In all honesty, the process of redemption didn’t really start until I had my son several years later.
I wish I could say that it was me who decided to really seek God and Jesus but it was Jesus who came after me.
He knew my innermost being and by giving me a child he knew that was the key to my heart; a wake-up call that would get my attention enough to form action. That was his attempt to get me on a path that was intended for me since God created me, and pull me out of the sin-drenched life I was living.
There is nothing like being handed a tiny person to take care of to make you turn your life in a different direction.
The way I looked at is; I may have screwed up my life but here is this new innocent little baby that has a brand-new start to life.
Babies don’t ask to be born; they are a result of choices 2 other people made, whether intentional or not. So, I felt I owed it to my son to not screw up his life.
My story did not have to be his, NOR did it have to affect him. So, as you could say, literally I turned the page and started a new chapter, a different life, NOT a perfect life but a baby step towards a better life…….
Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out! Tell others he has redeemed you from your enemies. Psalms 107:2 NLT
Stay tuned to the release of part 2 of my testimony next week. Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter to be notified of it’s release along with extra commentary.