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redeemed

April 23 2019

Testimony-Part 2: Feeling Convicted

Amy Faith, Inspiration, Life Conviction, New Life, redeemed 2

When I was younger, my experience with the Bible or church was somewhat limited. It just wasn’t a consistent thing in my life. I can only recall going to church with my family a brief time as a kid but it didn’t stick for whatever reason.

The most experience I had growing up would be when I went to church with friends. My best friend’s dad was a pastor of a small Baptist church so every weekend I spent with her (which was a lot) we would go to church; I don’t remember paying a whole lot of attention though.

I always allowed myself to listen and have a good time but it is kind of like this barrier was up around my heart. Nothing seemed to be penetrating or making me change the focus of my life.

Me, my late stepmom Rosie, and my step-sister Anna at church circa 1997 St. Charles, Mo

Then, early on as a teenager when I went to stay with my real dad in the city one summer; I was introduced to a big church with a big youth department that my step sister attended.

Attending church and being involved with the youth department was a big part of her life. That summer I got to attend a massive church camp in Ohio with her, I had never experienced anything like that!

It was so cool! The whole experience was eye-opening and I truly believe that was definitely a contributing factor that planted the seed that would take root much later down the line.

My stepmom bought me my very own personalized King James Bible. It was nice having my own Bible to finally tote around at church and reference. But as far as using it as a guide……. I would occasionally, if there was nothing else going on, I would pull it out and attempt to highlight some stuff that kinda made sense.

After that summer when it was time to go back home to my mom and step-dad’s house, everything fell apart! Back to the same ole tension, the same problems with no solution. I let myself fall back into my same old habits.

Obviously, the devil had plans for me, to keep my focus off of my awesome camp experience and my new Bible. I allowed myself to fall right into his trap. He knows our weaknesses and he used my situation to entice me down a different road away from God. He knew that I would let love and lust rule my life. You can read about in part 1.

The Begining of a New Era

A couple of years later when my son was around 3, my sweet Aunt Sandy sent me a small copy of the New Testament along with a letter, she had written folded inside. The letter almost seemed like a demand or overly persuasive message telling me to dive in, she also went on in the letter telling me what I can expect to happen if I put God’s word first.

At the time I chalked it up to a nice gesture.

I probably had that book a year or so when I started to take it to work with me. For what reason, I’ll never fully understand what prompted me to do that.

Maybe I was lonely at lunch or maybe just not stimulated enough, it was a time before smartphones. Or maybe my life and relationships really sucked and I was searching for help, perhaps I was looking for a solution to the panic attacks, that had abruptly started letting me know my life is not on track.

Looking back now, I feel it was probably the combination of all those things……I was a mess and I didn’t want to be anymore and that is all I really knew for sure.

As I would sit in the breakroom on my breaks at work I would read.

Honestly, I am not quite sure how much was really making sense. I mean I understood this NIV version better but I wasn’t memorizing scripture, or family lines of anyone in there by any means. I would read a little and then I would put it away and step out back and smoke before my break was up.

After a few weeks of this, I started to feel this tremendous amount of guilt.

How could I read the Bible, hearing about how God created me and loves me and my body is a temple and I shouldn’t intentionally do anything to harm it and then go outside and light up a cigarette?

I guess that is what you call being convicted by the Holy Spirit.

I remember saying a prayer from Romans and hoping that was enough to save me.

A week or so after that I quit smoking cold turkey for the first time since I picked them up at age 15.

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9

Stay tuned to the release of part 3 of my testimony next week. Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter to be notified of its release along with extra commentary.

April 19 2019

Testimony- Part: 1 Living it up

Amy Faith, Inspiration, Life Conviction, New Life, redeemed, Saved, Sin 4

ICP, Cradle of Filth, Marilyn Manson, Anton LaVey, (if you don’t know these names, it’s okay, trust me, you don’t need to) drugs, sex, partying, dropping out of high school, and ruining marriages.

That was me. That was my life and all things I was partaking in…. barely 17 and halfway through my junior year.

I made a choice to quit school and run away from my life to live with a married man. Who happened to be a new father and was not a fan of God by any means, actually quite the opposite. And the crazy part was, I didn’t even care! None of that even mattered to me!

I wouldn’t say I was wild or a rebel, that is not what I was trying to be anyway. I wasn’t doing it for attention that is for sure. I was just lost and deeply consumed with love. I wanted my life to be my life and I thought ANYTHING was better than the tension-filled, unwelcoming home life I was living through.

Me at 16 before my life took a turn for the worst.

My life was completely out of control in every way. If it was bad, I was doing it. To say I screwed up my life is an understatement. It was never my intention, but it was fun, it came easy and it was a great escape from my home life.

Misguided and lost, yet I thought I was having the time of my life. And who knows maybe it was in a way.

I was certainly gaining a lot of new experiences and meeting all kinds of new people and lifestyles, some I will never forget.

But this kind of lifestyle comes at a cost. It has a way of catching up to you and there is no way to escape the consequences that wait for you. Like a ripple effect, these poor choices have a way of affecting your life for a long time into the future.

The evil was brewing, tensions were building, people I hung around were losing their lives from poor choices, while others ended up in prison.

Anger and selfishness were dominating my life.

After a couple of years, my relationship that I sacrificed my entire future for became like a scene from a horror show and my face and body were taking the brunt of it.

This is a lifestyle that turns ugly real fast, so fast that you don’t know how to get back out.

This is a lifestyle where you can’t trust people for very long. No one genuinely cares about you, but more about what you have to offer and loyalty doesn’t exist.

This is a lifestyle that you look back on and realize you were really blessed to walk out of alive from all the poor choices made back to back.

Hopping around staying on friend’s couches while most of my belongings traveled around in the back of my car wherever I went after my relationship went south. Even then though, it was still an on and off again relationship for a long time. Obviously, I had not one ounce of self-worth.

I wish I could say that was my lowest moment and it all turned around after that but when your life is that messed up it takes a lot of work to regain your perspective and do the right thing.

It was a very slow process, peeling back all the layers until there was nothing left and nowhere else to run to. In all honesty, the process of redemption didn’t really start until I had my son several years later.

I wish I could say that it was me who decided to really seek God and Jesus but it was Jesus who came after me.

He knew my innermost being and by giving me a child he knew that was the key to my heart; a wake-up call that would get my attention enough to form action. That was his attempt to get me on a path that was intended for me since God created me, and pull me out of the sin-drenched life I was living.

There is nothing like being handed a tiny person to take care of to make you turn your life in a different direction.

The way I looked at is; I may have screwed up my life but here is this new innocent little baby that has a brand-new start to life.

Babies don’t ask to be born; they are a result of choices 2 other people made, whether intentional or not. So, I felt I owed it to my son to not screw up his life.

My story did not have to be his, NOR did it have to affect him. So, as you could say, literally I turned the page and started a new chapter, a different life, NOT a perfect life but a baby step towards a better life…….

Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out! Tell others he has redeemed you from your enemies. Psalms 107:2 NLT

Stay tuned to the release of part 2 of my testimony next week. Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter to be notified of it’s release along with extra commentary.