Feeling TOO much

It’s not fair.

When people treat you bad and get away with it.

Texting someone and they NEVER respond or at least don’t make it a priority for days.  Being made fun of. Or being forgotten, uninvited and unincluded. People can be so thoughtless and sometimes downright callous.  Intentional or unintentional it still stings….big time.

We all know how the devil loves to steal our joy. I recently read that one of the many weapons in the devil’s arsenal is to get us to have emotional reactions. He wants us to feel alone in our pain and make us feel like no one understands us.  I have to admit I fall for this almost Every. Single. Time.

Inside Out

I am starting to understand why I love the Disney movie Inside Out SO MUCH.

Seriously, I have seen it like 4 times, regardless if the kiddo was watching it or not. Because that is me! I have all these emotions living inside me battling to take over the control center, making sure they all have their time to shine.

Just a couple weeks ago I felt swept under the rug by a family member and let me tell ya when I feel……I FEEL!

I have always been this way. I let things penetrate me to my core! Like literally it pains my heart.  I am one of those highly sensitive people.  I know….annoying! Especially annoying to people that are tough as nails. Some people can just get over it OR they just aren’t phased by it to begin with. I envy those people sometimes.

So, the last day I had my feelings hurt I went through the normal routine of emotions that I typically do. I was hurt, crushed, sad, then for me, it always changes into anger and a little resentment.

I put my walls up, my trust goes down, my pride is hurt and I’m just mad.

Then comes the part where I pity myself. I think about how unimportant I am. Of course, I am overlooked and disregarded, I mean it is me we are talking about. Nobody thinks much of me, it will always be this way, it always has been this way.

Lastly, I just decide, I’ll just write this person off for a while because 1) they don’t deserve me and/or 2) I can’t let them do this to me again.

As I type this, I realize how pathetic all this sounds.  Even “pathetic” seems like a harsh word. I can recognize how unrealistic and unwarranted these feelings are MOST times, but yet I still have them. 

It is hard to break away from looking at yourself a certain way when you have felt that way your whole life. Certain circumstances about my past combined with my personality have wreaked havoc on my self-worth. Bad habits are hard to break.

The Only Way To Break the Cycle

In the middle of this charade of emotions, I sat down, talked to God, and read my devotional. Nearly every single time I do this, in that order, when I feel a certain way, he opens my eyes.

This is what my devotional read this specific day:

One of the most obvious ways that Satan tries to deny Christians their ability to live an abundant life is by trying to convince them that they are entitled to negative emotions.  The devil is thrilled when you agree with him that you are indeed entitled to worry, exhibit unforgiveness or show outrageous anger and then rubs his nasty little hands together with glee when he tricks you into blatantly throwing a hissy fit of human ugliness.  God does not want you to agree with the devil: He wants you to be like Him.”

I mean…. how much more obvious could it be? Putting that message right in front of me when I had just confided in God how I felt and how much help I needed with all these emotions.

I literally gasped! As I sat there in awe, I was then playing out everything that Jesus went through.  He was belittled, misunderstood, mistreated and alone a majority of his life on Earth. He felt all those feelings I mentioned BUT he didn’t act upon them. Somehow, I had to figure out how to swallow my pride and do the same. I’m learning…….I’m learning.

If that message wasn’t enough, the following Sunday my pastor preached about pride and the nasty effects of it. Just like I mentioned in my testimony part 3.  How?  How does he always know what I need to hear?  A little creepy if you ask me….hee hee.

The One And Only Thing That Actually Matters

There is one saying I always try to go back to when I feel like I’ve been done wrong, I even have it written down.

“God has the final say over you.”

You can thank Lysa Terkeurst for that one! I was reading her book Uninvited when I came across that line and I just sat and let it resonate with me.  It is the most perfect thing I have ever heard.

All those times you feel not worthy because of someone or something know that they do NOT define you or who you are! Your future is His, your life is His, everything you have is because of Him, not anyone else.  No one can dictate your life. No one has the power to declare your worth except God!

God has the final say over you.  How empowering! How wonderful!