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Nice guys finish last. You’ve heard it said before. I guess that was probably my first thought about Ronnie. “He’s too nice.” I had just come out of a relationship where I had to work and work hard for attention and affection. Now here’s this guy ready and willing to bend at my every request.
But it wasn’t just that.
He just wasn’t for me…or so I thought!
I thought we didn’t have that much in common. He is SO laid back. I have a temper. I am emotional and he stays baseline. You can often find me making big plans and having big dreams for the future, this guy is content with his lot in life. He installs stereo equipment in every vehicle he has and bumps all over town, which embarrasses me to no end.
Yeah, he loves me. Yes, he would do anything for me. He is an extremely hard worker, and the way he interacts with kids is enough to make your heart melt. You’d think I would have recognized how valuable all those traits are. But as the story goes, I didn’t. I was too damaged, too immature, and worst of all too full of pride.
Change Isn’t Always Better
Only looking at all the differences between us and dreaming of the perfect relationship, I set off in a new direction on my own path. After a few years, and a couple of other relationships, I realized how his traits complemented mine and we actually had a pretty good thing going.
With a new enlightened mindset, I could see things differently and for what they really are.
He is an amazing, 100%, hands-on father. He takes turns giving our toddler a bath. He does the dishes. He vacuums and puts away the laundry. He takes care of all the outside stuff. And when I need my eyebrows waxed he is up for the job.
He lets me have weekends away gallivanting around on girls’ trips and letting me get my concert fix. He is a homebody that dreams of not leaving the house on any given weekend. Win, win!
His patience is astounding! I’m short-tempered. I look like a monster and him a saint.
He walks slow, talks slow, and drives slow. I’m always in a hurry. I joke with him and tell him he is just like the sloth off of Zootopia and that I cannot imagine how I will ever be able to deal with him as an old man.
But I will.
I will more than deal with him as an old man, I will embrace him, all of him. I made a promise to him again for the 2nd time, a commitment that I always would.
All the things that drove me away from him, were the exact things that I needed to balance me out, and I balance him out. He keeps me calm and forces me out of my head and to be in the moment.
I keep him on track and striving, and may I add quite entertained. I drag him to church and push him closer to God, and he has grown leaps and bounds.
Despite us being on the opposite end of the pendulum we finally found a way that we can accept these differences and make it work. The thing I love the most is how much we can be around each other and we don’t ever get tired of each other. We like to include each other in every little outing.
It took divorce and 4 years in between to realize that. Nobody, and after both of us dating around for 4 years, nobody compliments each other the way we do.
Growing With a Person is Hard
Despite our time apart we have been through a lot together. Both of us are unrecognizable from when we first met, and that’s a good thing.
But that is a hard thing!
I don’t think I can emphasize enough how hard it is to grow with a person. You have to hang on and hope you both grow in the same direction instead of away from each other. If you can hang on and rein each other back in, it is an amazing thing to look at someone and see how far they have come and how much they have grown.
It’s a beautiful thing to look at a man and witness firsthand his progression. It is also incredible to witness firsthand how much a relationship can change before your very eyes, becoming more than it ever started out to be.
I’m not sure why it had to take me that long to see it. But God did! I trust that I am right where I am supposed to be. God confirmed that with a surprise baby girl 2 years after our reconciliation.
Ronnie supports me staying at home with the kids and keeping our household functioning smoothly. He knows how important this is to me because it is important to him too. We share the same rudimentary views about family and the critical need of “getting it right” for the kids.
He even puts up with me clicking around on this keyboard to pursue my dreams while he is working hard to provide. At the same time even working through most weekends transforming our home into our modernized vision. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Nice guys don’t always finish last. Nice guys are the ones that will respect and support you. The ones that are there for their family and are completely and utterly selfless. Nice guys make nice husbands and incredible fathers.